Trebuchet

How about we sidle into the personal for a little while.  I can't actually remember when this was written (which just goes to show I need to date my work) nor can I remember the specifics behind it.  I have a few hunches, and it's possible a few people will see themselves within the thoughts.  I call myself a poet, and this tends to go into the realms of the personal vent that I don't often give myself leave for.  I traditionally consider it a priority to put my pen to paper only when seeking to create, and not so much to vent, but even then, sometimes the mood strikes me.  "Trebuchet" was probably written during one of my long spells of single-dom, but it also echoes things people have said to me; things which I began to see as true even when I wrote it.  In any case, I hope you enjoy it.

Trebuchet

here I look into my soul...

too deep...

A place I cannot yet see

for my heart stands in the

way

How long has it been since I allowed it to feel?

How long have I labored in sacred vanity

o'er the conceit of a broken heart?

I opened the gates to my heart so long ago

let myself be tethered to a dream

that was in fact a trebuchet

that launched my heart away.

What siege was I but fodder for?

I know not.

Nor know who won,

though I know it was not I.

Once, I was selflessly selfish,

but that all changed

til now I stand

still selfish

Trying to remember how to give.

How many loves have past me by

Because giving my all was not enough

when there was not much left to give?

It has hurt every time, in my mind's eye;

and though my heart feels,

How much does it give.

Til now I see reflections of myself in other's lives

making the same mistakes I've already made

and wishing I could teach them.

I have lost great things because I could not let them in,

though I could let them

go.

Trapped in a glacier

Yet visible for all to see:

The great thaw has yet to come to me.

But it is no one else's work,

but mine

to shun the pain, and the fear

to melt the ice

til the path lays clear

again.